Green Acres, we aren't there

I must have misdescribed our new community to my mother because when I told her that we have a brand-new Target about a mile from our house and a Wegmans in the works, she gasped and said, "They don't put Targets in the country! And what's Wegmans?"

Between you and me, my mother has an ill-conceived idea about country-life because she has to drive an hour just to buy undies. However, I don't remember telling her that I was moving to the sticks, but apparently, that's what she heard. 

So, I thought I'd better clear some things up: we definitely moved OUT of the city. I don't hear screaming coming from next door as I bed down for the night, the worst traffic jam I've been in all week has been six cars at a stoplight, and my grocery bill didn't require me to slice off my right arm.

BUT my house is still only a few miles and some change from DC, Baltimore, and Annapolis, so no, the lazy yellow moon ain't comin' up tonight, shinin' through the trees. Crickets aren't singin' and lightening bugs are not floatin' on the breeze.

Wait. Hold 'er, Newt. Lightening bugs ARE floatin' on the breeze. See? That's my yard. And those are lightening bugs. Boo. Ya.

Some isms of our new "country" life:

- Adam asked me how to use our mailbox. We've never actually had our own, real, people-sized mailbox.

- We have bunnies that live in our yard, but I scare them away every time because I can't help but scream, "NATURE, ADAM! NATURE!!!!"

- Speaking of nature, there are a lot of bugs and birds around our house. In fact, there was a robin's nest under our carport. Momma was c-ah-razy.

- And more nature: We sit on our porch every evening and watch those lightening bugs like the season finale of Sister Wives. Our yard burns with them.

- There's a little boy who gets on the bus at the end of our street. We pass him every morning on the way to the train. We call him Eli and he waves at us every morning like we're old friends.

- I haven't been flipped off in a month.

- I haven't flipped anybody off in a month.

- When we told the checker at the grocery store that we were new to the area, she CAME AROUND THE COUNTER and shook my hand. And Adam's. WITH HER BARE HAND.

- Instead of looking very post-natural disaster, the aforementioned Target is organized, fully-stocked, and shockingly, there's not very many people there. Even on a Saturday. I used to think that shopping at Target was probably like shopping in the Soviet Union ("Choose red, blue, or broken"), but I'm beginning to get it.

- Everything shuts down so early here. 8:00 and all are headed home for a warm bath and a glass of wine before light's out at 9:00.

- Our neighbors brought us a plate of warm cookies when we moved in. I wept right into the chocolate chips.

- I love it here.

Some other things to clear up: We didn't buy our house. We're just renting it. But we now enjoy 1,600 square feet of living space, a beautiful yard, and a secluded location all for less than our apartment in Alexandria. Whaaaa? I must have swiss cheese brain because after a month of living here, my mind STILL cannot absorb that.

Also, I've been asked about my job situ. I do still work in DC (and Adam usually goes too for the bar class he's taking), but there's a lovely little train station a stone's throw from my house, making my commute just under an hour. Unless there's a tornado watch and flash flooding. Then, it's like taking the last train out of Poland. Read: last Friday night.